Wholphin

Directed by: John Burns

Liner Notes:

Interview with the stars of Sometimes, Professor Lupoid and his Monster, in the Professor’s underground laboratory, Trbovlje, Slovenia.

Wholphin: What first inspired you to make a Monster, Professor?

Lupoid: As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a Scientist. And not just any scientist – I’m from a long line of Lupoids, all of them scientists, all of them mad. My grandfather, for example, found a way to turn gold into lead using the tears of orphans.

Wholphin: What is it that makes a good Mad Scientist?

Lupoid: Or “Mentally Imbalanced Pseudo-Scientific Practitioner� to give it the Politically Correct name. It’s a combination of many qualities, chiefly obsession, usually fueled by ambition or revenge. Or a really ambitious revenge obsession.

Wholphin: What’s with the rabbits?

Monster: Monster like rabbits!

Lupoid: I told you specifically I did not want to talk about that. I sent you a telegram.

Wholphin: Sorry. So, the Monster is part of a larger operation, know only as Project X. How successful has that project been, in your opinion?

Lupoid: Have we lifted the “Feet of Gold� trophy yet? Are we kings of the disco?

Wholphin: Er, perhaps you could elaborate on –

Lupoid: - Am I on a desert island here? In the sun? Palm trees, sand dunes, lobsters? Am I? Cocktails?

Wholphin: No… [uncomfortable pause]

Lupoid: … I’ve said too much. Project X is not complete. Damn you and your hard-nosed investigative journalism. Enough questions.

Wholphin: But Professor, we haven’t even asked you about the significance of Badminton!

Lupoid: What do you taste like? You know, I really wonder what you taste like. Don’t you find yourself wondering that? Hmm? Monster? What this tasty young lady tastes like?

Monster: Grrrrrr.

Wholphin: [backs slowly towards the door, making no sudden moves].
You can find more information concerning Lupin, Monster and Project X, obtained by dint of great sacrifice to many fine young volunteer interns, at www.sometimesifeelhappy.com

Biography:

John Burns is either 27 or this biography is out of date. He was born in London where he works hard making short films, virals and music videos as part of the mysterious collective Big Red Button.

In 2001 he defied his tutors to graduate from film school at SIAD, and in shooting his graduation film Killing Time on HD, became the first student to use the format in the UK. The film was not very good.

Since then John has been showered in a trickle of industry praise, winning the CIFF Young Filmmaker’s award for You Are a Monkey in 2003, and enjoying varying levels of success with a number of short films in international festivals and competitions. He currently has 5 short films in distribution, the most recent of which, Remote, was represented at Cannes by the British Council.

One Response to “Sometimes”

• nfpendleton
  August 25th, 2008

  The song is so catchy I want to stab a pencil in my ear.

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